Watching you watching me.. at 23

Turning W i l d

2005-12-28T10:49:00.000+01:00

Ok.. so I haven't posted here for a while.. so I've been:

- shoppin'
- eating out lots
- dressin' pretty
- getting wonderful presents for Christmas
- changing offices
- getting WILD!
- bingein'
- drinkin'
- partyin'
- laughin'
- getting happy with 1 glass of Mateus and ..
- dancin' and singin' on a HRC table with my bf and bros and the rest of us from that table (34 ppl in all! woohooo!)

In short, I've been SUCKING THE MARROW OUT OF LIFE...

And I intend to keep doing so until something else comes up to make me reconsider and change my mind. Which I won't. Oh well..

Share and share alike

2005-12-15T17:12:00.000+01:00

In a fit of generosity and an attempt to wake myself up, I have just opened a bag of small Bounty chocolate and distributed one to each of my colleagues personally.

As I thought, smiles work wonders on the human brain.

Want one? : )

Christmas thoughts

2005-12-15T09:34:00.000+01:00

It's been some time since I last posted here and I guess well, it wasn't all due to laziness from my part, (although that might have had a part in it as well). I've been busy. Busy watching DVDs, busy playing World of Warcraft, busy worrying about my close friends and why not, probably even some of my work colleagues.

And I've lost track of time. And life. And God.

And it's funny that just when you have maybe reached your peak of, what do you call it, coldness? Unfeelingness? Anyway, when you have kind of settled down in sheer oblivion of the needs of others, or of yourself even, something happens to twist you right around and see what you have been blissfully ignorant of all these past weeks/months.

And that's what happened with me yesterday.

My grandpa fell from bed during his sleep and bruised his head badly.. and all imaginable effects ensued from then. Mother was under shock, which resulted in her blood pressure getting higher and making her dizzier, and thus she woke me up at 4am (after just 3.5 hours sleep or so) to look after her so that Dad could have a restful night (at least). With about 2 hours on my hands doing nothing but wait with her until she felt a bit better, all I was allowed was just one thing: thought.

And think I did.

About my past, my future and my present (in that order too). About my regrets, my failures, my successes, my friends, my relationships, my work, my family, my health..

My God..

About Christmas.

And about how different this Christmas is going to be from the past 5 or 6 I had. Different, but then again, so similar. Passing it with my boyfriend's family instead of my own..

And even though I like a lot his family and feel very accepted and loved,when you care about your own family, that kind of thing, when you really think about it, just sucks.

The blues

2005-11-27T12:39:00.000+01:00

This morning I awoke with the blues.. or so I hope. I was woken up at 10am or so by a loud voice in the room adjoining mine, but I was so cosy in my bed I decided to spend another 10mins or so there.. which stretched to another 10.. and then to another 20..

In the end somehow I woke up and dragged myself to the kitchen, where I made myself tea at 11am.. what a lazy life, right? In reality, I'm being apathetic, which is pathetic really, because I have no reason to be.

But go tell my sorry mind that!

In a last effort to save my dignity with myself, (and my mother who's been reminding me to wash my bedroom's floor since yesterday), I switched on the radio hoping it will help me disorient myself from my usual thoughts and focus on getting up, moving about, and get the bloody job done.

And this is what I got as a reward..

"Tonight Tonight" by Smashing Pumpkins.. A song which reeks of the good old days when I was still so naive but already on the verge of growing up instead of enjoying my youth. (Do you actually believe that?!) Anyway, whatever. Here's to the good old times..

Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe that life can change
That you’re not stuck in vain
We’re not the same, we’re different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

And you know you’re never sure
But you’re sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born

Believe, believe in me, believe
Believe in the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there’s not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight

We’ll crucify the insincere tonight
We’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight
We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight

Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

After the rain..

2005-11-26T18:25:00.000+01:00

I went for my driving lesson (first time driving in the rain), and lo and behold, this is what I saw* - a double rainbow in all its splendour and glory.

I felt touched..

Having a rainbow forming after a storm may not be that common but not that rare either.. but a double rainbow forming splat in the middle of your rain-swept windscreen?

Priceless.

* image not mine (unfortunately!)

Too soon

2005-11-26T13:50:00.000+01:00

I guess I spoke too soon. Looks like there won't be any connection tonight after all..

It sucks.

Deeply..

A turn of events

2005-11-26T12:10:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was a day to remember.

The morning was pretty boring. My boss and my colleague sitting opposite me were abroad on business. Two out of the remaining four other colleagues were on leave. That only left me, my doppy and another whom I shall hereafter call simply Tee. Due to his desk placement, communication with Tee during work hours (unless he decides on taking a coffee break) is impossible. Doppy was too busy (as is always the case with him) to even stop for 5 mins chit-chat (although he did find time to give me one good scare at one point, blast him : ) ) So that left me with my faithful companion (my work PC), a project which I was supposed to mess about in and learn inside out, and, of course, my 3 Eden apples.. Google, Gmail and Blogger.. which thankfully have not yet been forbidden me yet. I'm a roguish Eve : )

So anyway, in between juggling project documentation, reading of emails, a good discussion at lunch break, and peeping in others' life in reading between lines from their blogs, time somehow passed and 5:30pm arrived. For once, I was going home on time! A quick stroll across the corridor to say goodbye to Tee however proved otherwise. We ended up chatting.. about our projects, about our boss and his methods, about planning.. and then we switched from work to leisure. And that took us even more. In the end, it was exactly an hour after I packed that I finally arrived home.

But it was worth it. One of the things I value most in life is integration - that feeling of reaching out and touching another person's heart, of connecting with that person. Of getting to know who that person really is - no masks, no half truths, no formalisms.

Coincidentally, a similar incident happened in the evening between two of the closest persons in my life. Unfortunately, there has been an ongoing issue within the circle of friends I go out with in the weekends, which had been left pending for too long a time. Hence tension was building up, as is normal when human beings are concerned. What I failed to notice was that I was the cause of that actual tension! And there I was, trying to keep things going smooth by keeping my calm and burying my hurt deep inside to sleep it over in the night, and by doing exactly that, I was doing more damage than I could have even possibly foreseen!

As happens when one reaches the limit, a discussion ensued between the two.. and to my disbelief the two persons whom I was trying to 'shield' from each other (for various reasons) both came out not only unscathed from the experience, but all the better so from having their first real chat together.

Which goes to show, sometimes I need to trust some people more.. and release my protective hold on others.

(Or you just need to grow up more..)

Possibly..

But I'm grateful for this turn of events. So thank you to the Being who intervened to make my life slightly easier by making them tackle this issue between themselves. And thank you for making them discuss things with my best interest at heart.

And an even more heartfelt thank you for providing me with these two persons in the first place.. Life would simply be unbearable without them.

I can't wait for the connection tonight..

All together now..

2005-11-24T14:35:00.000+01:00

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty, and witty, and gay! ...

Yup! I'm singing and enjoying it because.. I have finalised part of the project I was working on, and it came exceptionally nice, rather 'pretty' in fact. So.. it got me in a good mood. : )

(Just that?)

Umm, well.. that and maybe also the fact that I've been asked by my doppy to help him out in a visit to one of his clients.

(Ooohhh.. now it clicks!)

Yup! Great, ain't it? : )

Encore!

Ahraqni

2005-11-14T22:10:00.000+01:00

Ahraqni hi, ahraqni.
Kompli 'tfaghni go l-infern
fejn il-fjamma toghla toghla.
M'hemmx li nsib x'imkien ghall-kenn..

M'hemmx li nsib naqra ta' mhabba;
Harsa wahda kull ma rrid,
Kemm titlissen "Hawn, kif inti?"
Forsi thollni mill-irbit..

Forsi thollni minn da' d-dwejjaq
Meta int ma tkellimnix..
Pero jien dejjem nitbaxxa?
Hekk m'hu qatt se jmur il-brix.

I've been told..

2005-11-11T10:13:00.000+01:00

.. that I'm just the typical woman..

can't live with me..

can't live without me..

Fancy that.. I'm a rare offshoot of this distinctive species!

Here, puss puss puss

2005-11-09T07:50:00.000+01:00

You know when friends send you those chain emails to show you that they care or that they're just too plain stupid to realise that no, there is no little Amy* whose dying of cancer and will be given money if you forward the email again, and no, Nokia* will not be tracing this email to give a free mobile to anyone who forwards the email for promotional means. Well, in my hundreds of emails that I got over the past there was one which listed a number of things which make you feel good, such as having a hot relaxing bath.. and smelling the sweet aroma of coffee as it has just been made. (Favourites of yours too?) Yup, as ever.

However, I am sure that they have left the best feeling out..

Waking up to find you have a pussy between your legs.

(You're kidding, right?)

No! I mean, of course not everyone has a pussy so not everyone can enjoy that feeling of tickling and teasing it until boredom come or until you end up too exhausted and go back to sleep again. Which would be a pity really, cause I find cats to be so cute and adorable, especially when they decide to spend the night with you on your bed. Don't you?

* Any resemblance to actual persons is entirely coincidental. No pussies were harmed in the making of this blog.

Good morning Vietnam!

2005-11-07T07:52:00.000+01:00

No no I have not had the misfortune of sleeping in my bed and being translocated to Vietnam between one snore and another. (Do I really snore?? Naahhh!) However I did wake up at around 4am suddenly, to find it pouring outside. Rain, beloved rain. I adore it. I adore the crackling that the thunder makes, the burst of light, the ticking at the window increasing, and the trickles as drop after drop join together to form small rivulets as rare as shooting stars.

I slept again but was lucky enough to have my morning breakfast in company with the rain keeping the conversation going strong.. until it noticed that I had finished and that my attention was now about starting the daily chores. And so the conversation died out..

Promises are for keeping

2005-11-06T14:45:00.000+01:00

It's been ages since I stopped my old blog last year with the promise of a new one this year.. Promise fulfilled? Not yet. Not even started.

So today I was browsing some couple good blogs and I thought.. no wonder you don't manage to keep the small promises you make to others.. you're not even capable of keeping a promise done to yourself!

That bad? Looks like it. So here goes.. the 2nd blog of my life.. *cut ribbon* Do not expect royalty stuff for royalty I am not. Do not expect details, but do expect ramblings. And if you ever make sense of what I write here, or if you feel yourself twitch, or inhale, or just that sense of been there.. then relish in the thought that you are not alone.. for all that's revealed in this blog is all purely me. Purely the rebel with a cause.